Style Invitational Week 1305: Hits and Googles
Looking for Googlenopes and Googleyups; plus winning ‘Fib’ verses
Even since 2007, there haven't been many Google hits for "chocolate
covered lettuce." (Bob Staake for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers
Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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November 8
(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning Fib mini-poems.)
*Googleyup: “chocolate covered lettuce”*
*Googleyup: “chocolate covered steak” *
*Googleyup: “chocolate covered sand”*
*Googleyup: “chocolate covered Volkswagen Beetle parked in front of a
supermarket in China”*
*Googlenope: “chocolate covered poached mouse fetuses on a lightly
toasted poppy-seed bagel with a schmear”* —// /froma list by Gene
Weingarten, 2007
/
*Googleyup: “Trump is completely honest.” *(The one hit: “Trump is
completely honest about his probable future dishonesty.”)
*Googleyup: “Twitter brings me peace of mind.”* (The one hit: “Lately,
staying off Twitter brings me peace of mind.”) —/both fromGene
Weingarten, 2018
/
At a comely age 25, the Style Invitational has grown up — and here’s the
only way you’ll see “Style Invitational” with “grown up” — with Google.
And the Invite has played with the search engine in various ways, as has
Washington Post humor columnist Gene Weingarten (who until 2003 carried
on an intimate, whispered-about relationship with the Empress’s
predecessor, the Czar).
In 2007 Gene coined the term “Googlenope,” a word or phrase that
generates no Google hits at all, while discovering *“Queen Elizabeth’s
buttocks,” “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious-esque”* and *“Nelson
Mandela is a doo-doo head.*” The same year, the Style Invitational
Losers tried it for Week 717
(winner:
*“That controversial ‘Gilligan’s Island’ episode”* by Malcolm
Fleschner). And aslate as 2010
,
Loser Mark Richardson found no hits for*“Nobody understands me like my
husband” * /or / *“Nobody understands me like my wife.” *
We’ve also had contests for Googlewhacks — a single hit — and
Googillions, phrases that drew more than 1 million hits (*“Trump has the
same hair on his behind” *— J. Larry Schott, 2009). But we never got
around to doing the variation that Gene dubbed Googleyups: phrases that
surprisingly do have one or more hits out there, if only to negate the
sentiment, as in the examples above from Gene’s column just last weekend.
Obviously, finding unique /and/ interesting hits on Google is a lot
harder in 2018 than in 2010, and it was hard then. So the E is
broadening her search parameters, so to speak. *This week: Find us
either a Googlenope — a phrase in quotation marks that generates no
previous hits — or a Googleyup, a phrase that surprisingly does have
hits. *You could even contrast a Googlenope with one or more Googleyups,
as Gene did in 2007, or cite an ironic context for the Googleyup, as he
did last week. If you come up with an actual Googlenope, note that with
your entry.
Submit entries at the website *wapo.st/enter-invite-1305*
.
Winner gets the *Lose Cannon,
* our Style Invitational trophy. And speaking of Pulitzer-Winning
Juvenile Armpit-Farters, this week’s second prize was donated by Dave
Barry, who got it from a fan. It’s a nice *manly barbecue apron,
*probably from 2012, since “Meat Romney” is embroidered onto it. What’s
manly about it? Well, lurking behind a dish towel attached to the front
of the apron is a pendulous foot-long fabric, um . . . as Dave says: “It
is difficult to describe this item without using the word ‘penis,’ but I
will try: This is a novelty apron mining the rich, never-gets-old humor
vein that is 2012 election humor.” /Warning: /Before the Empress will
award this prize, the winner must attest in writing to having no taste
whatsoever. Otherwise, the E will substitute something more decorous and
mature, like a plastic dog turd.
*Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose”
Loser
Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship”
(or perhaps a new design). Honorable mentions
get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “We’ve Seen Better”
or
“IDiot Card.”
First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener”
(FirStink
for their first ink). *Deadline is Monday night, Nov. 19; *results
published Dec. 9 (online Thursday, Dec. 6). See general contest rules
and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The
headline for this week’s results is by Chris Doyle; Chris also wrote
this week’s honorable-mentions subhead. Join the Style Invitational
Devotees on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev . “Like”
Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday
; follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.
*The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column discusses
each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter the
Googlenopes/Googleyups contest, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv
.
And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .
*EASY AS 1,1,2,3 ...: INKING FIB(ONACCI) POEMS*
In *Week 1301 * we asked for Fibs, poems
whose syllables per line follow the mathematical Fibonacci sequence of
1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8.
4th place:
Here’s
My
Foreign
Policy:
I am no hater,
As long as you’re a dictator.” — /D.J.T, Washington/
(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)
Gene Weingarten models the presentable, towel-down view of the apron,
this week’s second prize . (Selfie by Gene Weingarten/The Washington Post)
3rd place:
Bread’s
Not
My snack.
(Celiac.)
But that doughy scent . . .
I’m a gluten for punishment.
(Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.)
2nd place
/and the giant rattlesnake mug
:
/
To
Find
Single
Men at Trump
Rallies? Friends guffawed:
“The odds are good; the goods are odd.”
(Nan Reiner, Boca Raton, Fla.)
And the winner of the Lose Cannon:
Gee,
Thanks,
Stormy:
After your
Tale from those plush rooms;
I can no longer eat mushrooms.
(Duncan Stevens, Vienna Va.)
Deputy dawggerel: Honorable mentions
Storms,
Droughts?
Sad jokes!
Climate change?
Of course it’s a hoax!
Mar-a-Lago is just fine, folks.
(Melissa Balmain, Rochester, N.Y.)
The
Don,
Upon
Waking up,
Was once filled with dread
To find ahorseface
in his bed.
(Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.)
Eight
Years,
Steady,
Atrophied
My nerves for trauma:
Now I’m a wreck. Thanks, Obama.
(Duncan Stevens)
Hue.
Cry.
“Boohoo . . .
What dead guy?”
While the world hollers,
Donald counts his petrodollars.
(Nan Reiner)
Now
That
Midterms
Are over,
Together we’ll grow,
Eating either turkey or crow.
(Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
Horse
Sleigh
Snowfall
Harness bells
The horse knows the way
“Wait, where’s my phone? Oh no, go back!”
(Kristin Braly, Baltimore, a First Offender)
Trump
And
Comrade
Vladimir:
Two peas in a pod.
One thinks he’s czar; the other, God.
(Ray Gallucci, Frederick, Md.)
In
A
Public
Interview
If flustered, don’t fret:
Get in touch with your inner Brett.
(Marcus Bales, Cleveland)
“No
Gal
Charging
Sex assault
Should just be ignored!
Except for Christine Blasey Ford.” — /Sen. Susan Collins /
(Duncan Stevens)
Since
The
Options
For voting
Are so hard to sift,
My go-to source is Taylor Swift.
(Jesse Frankovich)
I
play
Tennis.
So, alas,
Alone I will be.
Because love means nothing to me.
(Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Go.
Leave.
Really,
I’ll be fine.
Don’t feel guilty, son.
I’m used to loneliness. Have fun.
(Hildy Zampella, Alexandria, Va.)
“Ah,
Beer:
Drank beer;
I like beer.”
This Supreme Court push
Was sponsored by Anheuser-Busch.
(Duncan Stevens)
Tough
Ruth
Speaks truth
To her coach:
“I want a workout
So I can knock that frat jerk out.”
(Nan Reiner)
Now
Some
Very
Fine people
Made it cool again
To proudly be a hooligan. -- S. Miller
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)
To
Bryce,
Advice:
At your price
(The top of earners!)
No dice. (Nats’ owners -- slow Lerners).
(Mark Raffman)
French Lawmaker Proposes Bill to Outlaw Mockery of Accents
French
Laws
Feature
New ban—no
Dissing bad accents:
Wish they’d told my high school teacher.
(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)
/*And Last: *
/You’ve
Now
Read all
The snoozers
That got ink for the
Style Invitational Losers.
(Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)
*Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 12: our “what if” contest.
* *wapo.st/invite1304*
*/./ * *** *